Dating as a single parent can be so much fun. I’ve done it, got the badge and am still enjoying it now. So this post comes from the view point of someone who knows what she is talking about. If you are newly single with children, or thinking about dating someone with a child don’t listen to any negativity. Instead pour yourself a drink and listen to why it is better dating as a single mum.
First of all, think of your background. You had a long-term relationship. And a child or two. Then there were problems. Maybe arguments, cheating, lack of attraction…. Whatever it was, it caused your relationship to fracture. If you are at this stage, I suggest you take a moment. Actually more than a moment but only you will know how much time you need. Ponder on your now past relationship, cry, lick your wounds and heal. When you are done and can confidently say that is in the past, then come back and read on.
Can single mums find love dating?
This is now the paragraph we need before we start dating again. The one that tells us how awesome we are and how lucky any man would be to have us. Think about all you have done. You have birthed a child. Had and have commitments. Now you are being a role model and a mother whilst also being a woman. Wow! There does not get much more awesome than that. There should be no doubt in your mind that you are double the woman you used to be. You deserve and can find whatever it is you are looking for.
Mums come back to dating after a long time out of the game. After having had children, we are bound to feel a little insecure. Our bodies have changed and many women loose the confidence they had previously. I want you to realise your self-worth. If you’re not happy with your body, then take some time for self-love. Join a gym, get a personal trainer or use the millions of You Tube exercise videos. They are free and fantastic. Take time to realise what would increase your self-confidence and then start on your journey towards it.
Single mums are awesome
Hopefully you have now realised how awesome you are, dealt with your past relationship and increased your fitness. You are now on your journey towards your first date! Next comes the exciting part – realising just how many people want to date you. Do you understand why? It took me a little while to realise it but now I’m confident that as a single mum I have so many things to offer. And that you do too.
We’ve learnt from our previous relationships
This is a big one. What have you taken away from your failed relationship that makes you want to try harder? Although we all walk away from a relationship feeling a little bruised, we are also wiser. About the type of person we are and what we will NOT do in a future relationship. For example, I no longer argue. Arguing is pointless. It never solves anything. And my boyfriend has totally benefited from that. What have you changed in yourself? Look upon it with pride as it has made you a mature and wiser person.
This makes us single mums a ‘catch’. Who wants to be with someone who argues all the time? Or who just thinks of themselves? Or who is lazy? I think its safe to say the majority of single mums are none of the above. We don’t have the time or energy to be any of these. Instead, the savvy single mum licks her wounds after her relationship ends, then gets on with making damn sure she does not repeat these mistakes in the next. Tick number one for dating a single mum.
Now you have a child, so no need to have more.
Yes, this is a bald statement. But it is very often true. Certainly so of me. I love my son and really enjoy having a child. But no more for me! When a child reaches the age of 5, they start to reach for independence. They want to dress themselves, feed themselves. They can talk and reason to an extent. They are at school and often a mum is back at work. You already have the joy of a child or children so why yearn for more?
A new relationship means adult time, especially at the beginning. You may not have been on a date for a considerable amount of time. When your child is older, there is more freedom to get ready for the date. You are not going to be tired from a sleepless night. However, with a babysitter at home, you are aware there is a finite amount of ‘fun’ time, so let’s make the most of it. A win, win situation for both adults, I think. Tick number two for dating a single mum.
Single mums want sex
OK, lets not be coy about it. Your last relationship was probably lacking at the end in this area. Arguments and resentment are not good bedfellows for amazing sex. As well as a dry spell, there is also the ‘getting over’ him period when you break up. Together, these times mean no bed time antics for you. So basically when you start to date, you are horny!
This is great for you and also great for your future dates. It’s OK to test the dating pool with some casual encounters. After all, you’ve just had a long-term relationship. We need to find ourselves again. Just ensure that you are careful. Remember all the rules you would tell your child. Tick number three for dating a single mum.
We know ourselves
When we first become single, it can be tough. To go from a partnership and parents together, to a single parent is challenging. Not only do all day to day parenting decisions fall solely on you, so do all other decisions. Where to live, budgeting, fixing things around the home etc. Although it can seem a momentous mountain to climb initially, it ends up increasing our confidence in what we can do and our self-belief. This confidence can translate into the field of dating.
Being a single mum and taking care of yourself, your child and your home by yourself means you end up knowing yourself very well. How you react to stress, what you can do, what you like and what you want. Men like a confident woman and you, in return will be more sure what you want in a man. Tick number four for dating a single mum.
Single mums are very independent
The road to becoming a single mum is often strewn with stress, tears, financial problems and insecurity. However, once we make our way off that road, our new path is full of confidence, happiness, independence and a stable level of finance. As we have achieved all this by ourselves, the journey forms the single mum into a very independent woman.
When we get to that stage of wanting to date or be in a relationship, the majority of us want to retain independence. Financial, emotional and mental independence. It is far healthier to be equal partners and the single mum recognises this. This is a very attractive trait to men but more importantly, to us as women. Tick number five for dating a single mum.
Single mums get things done
I’ll be the first to admit that I still don’t know how to change a tyre. But I also know many a man who doesn’t either. Just because I’m a single mum doesn’t mean I’m going to learn, that’s what garages and the AA are for, isn’t it? However, when there is suddenly just us to get everything done, our repertoire of skills quickly increases. Who’s going to change the ‘too high’ lightbulb? If we can’t reach it, just use a chair. Who’s going to fix a leaky tap? Well, if google says I can do it, I’ll have a go. Otherwise, I’m going to use my common sense and call a plumber.
At a dinner party at yours, who’s going to pour the drinks while you are putting out the food? The guests are, silly! It’s all about increasing your skills but also realising what is too much and finding workable solutions. Tick number six for dating a single mum.
How to start dating again as a single mum
Hopefully, you now realise that any many would be lucky to have you. So its time to dust off the party clothes and check out the state of your make-up. Of course, I’m not saying you live in trackie bottoms but we all know as a mum, our clothes can become a little monotonous. But now, the adult you needs to re-emerge. Don’t worry if things don’t fit, who needs an excuse for shopping? At the same time, think about your babysitting options? Does your child/children see their father? Any overnight visits are a perfect time. Otherwise, do you have family/friends who would be willing to babysit? Even better, their teenage children for a little cash.
You are now set with clothes and babysitters so how are you going to find these men to date? I suggest biting the bullet and going straight online. After all, our time alone is precious and we want to make sure its productive. Check out this Daily Telegraph article on the 20 best dating sites and apps Just choose one to start with. You don’t want to overwhelm yourself. Make sure you choose recent pictures with just yourself in them. After all, you’re not introducing your children and you are going to meet this person so you need to be honest.
However, don’t just restrict yourself to dating apps. Get some friends together and check out the local night-time scene. Although this post is about dating, you need to get back into the ‘getting dressed up and being an adult’ mode. Build your confidence and have some fun whilst looking for dates. Then, when you meet someone you would like to see again, make sure you check out this guide on what and what not to do whilst dating.
Don’t feel sorry for single mums
Sometimes single mums are felt sorry for. I want to get all of those who feel that way together and tell them passionately there is no reason to feel that. I’m not advocating that all parents become single parents, far from it. I’m a wholehearted believer in both monogamy and parents staying together. However, when a relationship is detrimental to the health of the children or those adults involved, there is often no other option. So if you are going to be a single mother, you need to do it like a badass!
Dating as a single mum and dating a single mum are both awesome options. We have a new level of confidence and no time to waste on losers. We know more what we want and are not afraid to say no to what doesn’t work. Our adult time is limited and our objective is to have fun and get to know new people. Seriously, what could be better? For those single mums reading this, don’t hesitate any more. You don’t need to tell anyone what you are doing but you also don’t need to plunge straight into another relationship. After all, what do we do when we go to the beach? We test the water by dipping our toe in. Do the same with dating. View a date as getting to know a new person, discovering a new place and above all, have fun.
You are so worth it