With Melinda

Single mum lifestyle blogger

Romance author


Who hasn’t heard the term ‘Men are from Mars, women are from Venus?’ Doesn’t it make you want to learn how to understand men? We all know the term means men and women are very different but do we understand the nuances behind it? If you don’t want to continue to be exasperated with the opposite sex, then continue reading. We will learn why men are from the hottest planet in the solar system, full of gas and women are from a planet that is small and rocky with dead volcanos.

But reader lets not get despondent. There are many great reasons why a lot of us women mate with men and how we can understand men. We are going to learn what we need to know about men and look at the real differences between the two sexes. Then we can examine how these differences can work together and even compliment each other. Hopefully we can begin to see that the combination may not cause an explosion but may just be the perfect mix.

How to understand men

Are you currently in a relationship?

What do you see as the main difference between you and your man? I bet as you are reading this, a few examples are already drifting into your mind. Stereotypical ones would include a man’s inability to multi-task but the most common complaint would probably be his lack of being able to just listen.

How long have you and your man been together? A month, a year or far, far longer? I have to say the differences I have noted in my relationships both delight and frustrate me. But overall I think I would rather have male differences in my partner than female similarities. Even in a world where feminism has been around for decades, I still take delight in my female virtues and my boyfriends male ones. I will openly admit we have differences but rather than let them confound us, lets celebrate them and work together.

Main differences between men and women

1. Men can’t multi-task as well as women

Women, especially as they get older and have families often find themselves multi-tasking. Maybe it’s eating breakfast whilst checking work emails and making your children’s lunches. Or it could be talking to your boyfriend/husband on the phone whilst trying on a pair of heels in a department store and writing a quick post-it note for later. Its a fact. Women can do more than one thing at once. Since I’ve had children, I can’t think of many times when I’m only doing one thing. So it has become very frustrating to me to realise that men can only do one thing properly at a time. For example, I’ve learnt never to tell my 12 year old son anything when gaming. His typical response? ‘Ok’. Then, ten seconds later, ‘Wait, what?’

2. Men find it difficult to just listen

When women are upset, we want to have a conversation, don’t we? We want to relay what is hurting us and talk about our emotions. In this scenario with a woman, we would get sympathy, a listening ear and maybe a chat about it. Men don’t respond in this way. They don’t often hear the meaning behind the conversation but instead try to solve it. Without realising that if the woman was looking for a solution, she would either ask for one or suggest a couple herself. Whilst he thinks he is being proactive and helpful, she sees him as not understanding/ caring about the emotion caused by the scenario.

3. Women can verbally express themselves better than men

Why is this? Typically, women have a larger limbic system than men. This is the term for part of your brain that controls emotion, behaviour and our long-term memory. According to psychologist Toni Coleman, women are therefore more in touch with their emotions and able to act on them. Which leads us to better communication skills than men.

4. Men and women react differently to alcohol

This one, I’ve seen myself many times. When I have too many drinks, my inner goddess feels heightened affection and happiness. Men have a higher tolerance to alcohol as they have more of the enzyme that fights alcohol and also tend to have a lower body fat ratio. So they often look on in amusement when the woman they are with is tipsy.

However, when a man does reach the level of being inebriated, it could turn into aggression in certain situations. This is because men have a higher level of testosterone, a hormone that can produce aggression. Alcohol reacts with testosterone in the brain and thus increases the likelihood of aggression.

Understand men in a relationship

5. Men are more likely to take risks

Now this is something I admire in men. Where would you say you fall in this category? Women are generally more nurturing and community forming. So it is in our nature to avoid risk, anything that would hurt us or others. Whereas men don’t seem to think too much about the consequences, more about the potential thrill or win at the end of the scenario. However, the types of risk talked about here are the more dangerous ones. For example, riding a motorbike, gambling, doing a skydive and other such pursuits have often been seen as ‘male pursuits’.

If you look at activities that are gender-neutral, it actually looks like women have caught men up in the risk category. Activities like making a big purchase or going horse riding. Both could be seen as risky and surveys show that both are equally likely to be done by women as much as men.

6. Men express aggression physically, women express it verbally

Have you ever seen two men get mad at each other? Then noticed how their bodies seem to be getting ready for a fight? That’s because they are, due to the testosterone level in their brain. Whereas women, who don’t have the same level as testosterone as a man, do not get this hormone injection. Instead, they use their words and not in a good way! Both forms of aggression are just as bad. Who wants to be punched? Nobody! But who wants to be ‘hit’ with words that can wound for life? Also nobody.

How to make your relationship work (even with male/female differences)

The above are just a few of the differences between men and women. After reading this, do you think it is it possible to create a harmonious relationship between the two sexes? So much is made of the differences between the two that it is easy to just throw our hands up in despair and wail. But that is a defeatist attitude and we are not defeatists, are we? We are on our path to learning how to understand men and what we need to know about the male brain.

I like to view a male/female relationship as two perfect halves coming together to form a strong team with different attributes. To give the relationship the best start, we need to recognize the potential differences listed above and learn to work with them. Read the below list which gives you ways to respond mentally, emotionally and physically to any differences. If you do this, they will become the couple’s strength.

How to understand men in a relationship

1. Celebrate your differences.

Whichever gender you are in a relationship with, there will be differences and clashes. And maybe you would even out talk each other! To be happy in your relationship, you need to realise those differences and work with them. You cannot change someone, nor should you want to. Rather, you need to look at how you respond to those differences.

2. Realise that when your partner responds to you, he has been listening.

By offering advice on a situation, he is showing you he cares. If you specifically want him to understand the emotion involved, talk about how it makes you feel. Don’t always expect an emotive response, but take time to appreciate the effort he has put in by suggesting solutions.

3. Work to your strengths

A partnership is a truly great thing. Why? Because when you both have different strengths, combined you will form a powerhouse. Rather than wasting time trying to change your boyfriend, instead focus on what you are both good at and celebrate those.

What does a man want in a woman?

Now we understand men a little better and have some tips on how to play to the strengths of both in a relationship. But what exactly is a man looking for in a woman? Again, there are a lot of stereotypes around this. The truth is that it is a surprising mixture and not dissimilar to what a woman wants in a man.

Attractive looks

Who doesn’t want someone good-looking? This is just a law of nature as a big area of a relationship is sexual attraction. However, the long-standing saying that men are more visual than women has been proved to be a myth.

A study in 2019 by PNAS (Proceedings of National Academy of Science) of all significant neuroimaging studies showed that the brains response to visual sexual stimuli is independent of your sex. That our reaction to this type of stimuli is actually very similar, no matter if you are a man or a woman. In a nutshell, this means that both sexes react the same physically when shown something sexual.

Don’t worry if you are not ‘god’s gift’. Focus on your individual looks and boost your confidence by enhancing them. Exercising, holding yourself tall, looking someone in the eye and smiling. These small changes all increase attractiveness in the eye of the beholder. Maybe ask a personal shopper for some advice and a close friend for makeup tips. Looking after your appearance is not shallow as it is the first thing people see about you. It can also tell the other person what you think of yourself.

How to understand men


This is an important area and one that is very appealing to men. Unlike previous times, a man wants a woman to have her own goals and finances to achieve them. To not ‘need’ him but to ‘want’ him. It is highly attractive to find a partner who has their own aspirations. This shows she is a strong woman with goals and demonstrates her skills and interests. This will also help increase your level of confidence in yourself.


Men love a level of confidence in a woman. Someone they can take out, introduce to family and friends and know that she will be confident interacting with them. As well as looking good, they act well in public and the man can be proud to say she is his girlfriend.

If you aren’t confident, ask yourself why? Confidence is a massive area we all need in our lives so maybe it is time to work on this. Check out podcasts on the subject that you can listen to whilst busy in the house and write some daily affirmations to say out loud daily. Learn to believe in yourself and your relationship will prosper.

Fantastic sex

Please don’t shake your head in dismay over this. Great sex is not based on attractiveness but rather confidence and an open mind. Also compatibility! If you and your partner feel these three things for each other, you will succeed in this area. Then you will reap the benefits. Start by basic activities such as exercising, eating well, meditating and having a good sleep pattern. These will help you feel better and look better to yourself and others. Confidence levels will go up and you will be less shy about stripping off and jumping on top. Or underneath or whichever way you prefer….

Ability to laugh together

As men are not as emotional as women, they often keep conversations and though processes light. Consequently, they will most likely not want a girlfriend who constantly sits and analyses the emotional impact of every situation. It’s exhausting and not an attractive quality. If you need to discuss a particular situation, think it through in your mind first. Weigh up both possible sides then if you still need to, ask to have a discussion. Most situations, you will be able to deal with yourself. Leaving more time to enjoy time with your boyfriend and have a harmonious relationship.

Learn how to understand men


Feminists, please sit back down. I don’t mean we have to be a pushover and let men do everything and make all decisions. Rather, the definition of femininity is to show that you are a woman. There are different ways to express this. They include wearing attractive clothes, that highlight your natural shape and styling your hair.. Allowing yourself to accept help if you cannot do something, for example opening a jar. Curling into him when you sit together as he is bigger than you and it is comfortable having his arm around you. Accept we have a certain amount of power over men in this area and be confident in allowing it it’s rightful place in your relationship.

Listen and care

Lastly, men like women to use their empathy. Whilst men may not have too much of this quality themselves, it does not mean they do not want it in their partner. Rather, it is a very attractive quality. By listening, we can learn much about our boyfriend and figure out whether this is the right relationship for us. By caring, we demonstrate that we are interested in him and a future together. That he is important to us.

Is it important to understand men in relationships?

Yes, it is imperative that a woman learns how to understand men and the way her man operates. Every individual is different with different traits and qualities but the two lists above are generic and will loosely fit most men. There is no point in getting annoyed about the fact that men rate attractiveness. Admit that you do too and rather than trying to change him, work with it. Use your sexy femininity and confidence to draw him to you. Being attracted to each other is very important in a relationship but it is still surface deep. You will bond more over your ability to laugh together, caring about each other, confiding and having confidence in your own abilities and goals.

Why are some men scared of women?

Unfortunately, this can be true. By scared, it means that these men do not really understand women. I can see why it would be challenging. Men want an attractive women who is feminine. However, in today’s society, it is difficult to marry attractiveness to feminism. Also femininity to independence. There are a lot of clashes. Women want to be able to do everything themselves and men can often get snapped at if they offer to help.

By having confidence in yourself and your abilities, we don’t need to worry about this. There is nothing wrong with accepting help when you need it. You will both profit from it. With increased confidence gained from now having learnt to understand men and how we can make it work, you can prosper in your relationship.

If you are in a relationship, look at both of your strengths and work with them, rather than trying to change the differences. If you are single, jump up from your seat, do some exercise and throw out the jogging bottoms. Say daily affirmations about how great you are and sign up for that dating site.

Now we just need to get a man to understand you!

Believe in yourself that you are worth it because you really, really are.