Is it possible to be a better girlfriend? To even be the best or a perfect girlfriend?
Whether your relationship is a first love, together for a few years or married, we could all do with some ideas on how to be a good partner. But how do we know what would make us a better girlfriend?
To write this post, I feel like I have to put on my twinset and pearls, red lipstick and heels. For some of the wisdom I am going to impart could have come straight from the 1950’s! My inner feminist is righteously indignant and yelling about equality and men doing dishes, however the one wearing lipstick is succeeding in pushing her down firmly and muffling her voice.
Romantic relationships can be difficult, can’t they? Sometimes, I think I’ve cracked that elusive ‘top score’, other times I tumble right down to the bottom… We have to remember that we are all human, with our own opinions and foibles that can make a rocky road for our relationship. It is easy to have this holy grail in our minds, of what we want for a partner. However, we rarely look at ourselves and analyze what our part is in the relationship and where we could potentially be going wrong
Top tips to be the perfect girlfriend
So, let’s take a beat. Grab yourself a coffee, find a quiet spot and read on. You’re already on the path for success right now, as you are reading this post. This means you are curious how you can improve your relationship and want to make it work. That’s great news and should aid your determination to be the best girlfriend.
1. Choose whether it is a relationship worth fighting for
Firstly, we have to sit down and have a think about whether our relationship is actually worth the effort. I know it sounds harsh but the reality is that we will only try with a relationship we really want to be in. So take some time to analyze how you feel about your boyfriend and whether you want your relationship to progress. Once you feel happy with that, move onto step two.
2. No arguing!
Now this one can be difficult. I know from first hand experience. My ex and I argued way too much and it was exhausting. It also creates doubt and animosity and hardly ever resolves the issue at hand. Now, my philosophy is simple – don’t argue. Never raise your voice at your boyfriend. If there is a disagreement, simply state your opinion and give your reason. Have a little time to yourself and let the emotion drain out of the situation. Nine times out of ten, when you are back in the same room, one of you will see the other persons point of view and the difference will be resolved without ever turning into a fight. I have proudly not had a single argument with my boyfriend so I can say definitely that this is a win, win.
3. Listen to him
An important part of a relationship is listening to each other. Whether it is hearing about their day, listening to their ideas or grievances it helps your partner feel valued and you get to know each better. Take time each day to just sit down and talk. With a romantic relationship, a part of our ‘role’ is to witness our partners life. To walk with him through his day, week, month and year. One great way we can do this is to listen to how he feels, learn how his day is going. To be attentive to their dreams, thoughts and desires.
4. Take care of yourself
Remember to take pride in your appearance. This is not just for your boyfriend but for you as well. I always feel better when I have made sure my hair is done and I have chosen my outfit carefully. Some people believe that it is vain to care about your appearance. I believe that first impressions are always formed on how you look. And that includes your relationship as well. If you make an effort to look attractive and well presented, your boyfriend will also appreciate it and will do the same back.
5. Encourage him
We all have dreams and goals. Sometimes, it can be difficult to follow them so when it comes to your boyfriends, take time to listen and encourage. You should both want each other to be the best you can be and the most effective way to do this is to encourage and inspire. This will help you open up emotionally to each other and will build a level of trust. Future dreams are very personal and sharing them with each other can inspire you both.
Another big one is trust. This can be a tricky one and often takes a while to grow. Whilst you and your boyfriend are getting to know each other and building a relationship, it is a great time to find out about their history, their personality and values. Through these, your faith in them will grow.
Although, unfortunately it is not always that simple. Although we learn to trust, it can be heard to keep it going. We have to constantly remind ourselves of our partner’s values and have faith that they will respect us back and live up to that trust. If there is no respect, a relationship will fall like a pack of cards. How will you feel if your boyfriend is out with friends? Will you be tempted to check his phone when he is in the shower? It will impede on every area of your lives together so don’t do it. Instead, look at why you are feeling like this. If it is not because of his behavior, then you need to have a talk with yourself about where that lack of trust may be coming from.
7. No flirting!
How would you feel if you saw your boyfriend flirting with another girl? It would hurt, wouldn’t it? It would also diminish your trust in them. There would also be other negative emotions involved – anger and suspicion being two. Likewise, your partner will feel these emotions if you flirt with someone else and would most likely think you are a bad girlfriend. Think about this the next time a good looking guy flirts with you. You don’t need that, you already have a special someone you can flirt with all day long.
8. Be honest.
You need to be honest with your boyfriend but also be careful in how you say things. If you lie, you will most likely be found out or will end up creating a whole web of deceit. But when you tell the truth, we also have to be careful with our words so we do not hurt. If you are asked your opinion on something, use your words carefully. It is important to be honest but choose to inform and not to wound.
9. Be truthful to yourself
By first of all being truthful to yourself, you will automatically make yourself a better girlfriend. Are you trying to change yourself too much to fit in with what your partner wants? If your boyfriend likes rap music and you hate it, tell him. If you find opening up emotionally difficult, talk to yourself first. Your partner would rather know the real you, not the version you think he wants you to be. By being true, you will respect yourself and will also be reassured your boyfriend likes the real you.
10. Take care of him
My last tip is to also take care of your boyfriend. A very 1950’s idea but essential to a relationship. This does not always mean cooking him breakfast or washing his clothes. A relationship does need to be equal! However, everyone likes to feel special. Think of little things you can do for him that are not too costly or time consuming, e.g. give him a 20 minute shoulder massage after he has had a stressful day. Listen to him when he talks about his job. Morning kisses, displaying affection and listening are paramount to a relationship being on its way to being successful. Think of his needs and he will think of yours back.
These top tips have come from a combination of my failed relationships and successful ones. They are not a guarantee of success however they are the blueprint to a happy romantic life and being the best girlfriend you can be. Isn’t that what we all want?
We can’t get away from the fact that men and women are inherently different. Which can sometimes make having a relationship with the opposite sex hard work. But with maturity, love and respect, we set ourselves on the path for success.
Can you be calm? Will you listen, nurture and respect both of your feelings? If you treat your boyfriend the way you want to be treated, you will be rewarded by the same back and a loving relationship.
Try these tips and see the results